Play Ball!

It’s been a long winter…but good news: major league baseball is upon us. Recently we made a pitch for your ideas on how to make a great game even better. Several of you took a swing. It’s easy to add comments here, so jump in.

Leading off is Mike: “What bugs me is the constant assault of pumped in noise -- bad music, stupid sound effects and relentless advertising. At some of the stadiums you can barely turn around and talk to your friends. All team operatives who program this junk should be sent to a special rehab center where they are allowed one beer, an easy chair and a transistor radio that plays Vin Scully. Also, cell phones should be banned. Or else there should be a special area where people who want to yak loudly and endlessly on cellphones and wave at the camera can be isolated, and perhaps studied for a National Geographic special.”

George suggests a rule change: “Increasingly, pitchers now walk the power hitters. While that has always been an accepted practice, lately it has gotten abusive. Not good for the game, a bit unfair to the vanity and skills of the power hitters, and a big disappointment to fans who hope to see a celebrity batter do his stuff. Here is a simple rule change to address those concerns without altering the game very much: 4 non consecutive balls equal a walk, and the batter advances to first base, as has always been the case. But under the new rule, 4 consecutive balls and the batter advances to second base.”

Alan writes: “I think to improve major league baseball they should publicly execute Roger Clemens who is a liar and a dirty pitcher. Also, there should be more Jewish baseball players. Hank Greenburg and Sandy Koufax, that's all I heard my uncles and aunts talk about as I was growing up. Why are Jews all stand up comics? We need hitters.


Batting cleanup is Junior, who describes himself as an American citizen and National League fan: “Major League Baseball should dispense with inter-league play. It takes the air out of traditional rivalries and dilutes the World Series. It homogenizes the American and National Leagues, which are truly quite different.”

Richard has several ideas:

*Get the government out of baseball!! Maybe the buttheads that are all worked up about steroids, HGH or Ritalin could spend their time on important things like lowering taxes or saving Darfur from its current holocaust.

*How about scheduling less than 17 home games in April at Wrigley?

*Attach electric shocks to seats of idiot fans who stand up with 2 strikes and 2 outs; it didn’t work in ’03 when the Marlins killed the Cubs with 0 and 2 counts and 2 outs, and it won’t work now.

In that same vein, have a roving enforcer to stuff a baseball down the throats of nouveau fans who boo hardworking players like Derek Lee, Alfonso Soriano and Jacque Jones who do not hit a dinger every time they come to the plate. All 3, among many others were booed when they first came to the Cubs. It makes me sick when they invade sacred ground and show how little they know about the game. The bottom line fact is that Hall of Fame players failed at least 2 out of every 3 times they came to the plate. More to the point, of the tens of thousands of men who played major league baseball for more than a cup of coffee, only 20 batted above .333; the highest lifetime average for a Hall of Famer was Ty Cobb, .366, which of course is barely above 1 out of 3 hits per at bat.”

And finally Jim adds: “All impractical and unattainable but: Free soft drinks for kids under 14. No walking out except between innings. Team gives season ticket "scholarships" to needy families who are big fans.”