We thought every Hilton had a Gideon’s

So a rabbinical student and a pastor go into a blog....Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. New beginning: When I told my wife that I was going to begin blogging, she gave me her unconditional support---except for one condition. “No Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears references,” she insisted.

Now here I am, less than a week into Ampolotalk and I’m already in need of a presidential pardon. I’m assuming that most of you did not see the Larry King interview with Ms. Hilton. I certainly didn’t, but I did see a clip of it on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. (Ferguson, by the way is, along with Stephen Colbert, tv’s best monologist. Tivo him if you can’t stay awake that late).

On the clip in question, Paris said she had read the Bible regularly while in jail. King then asked her to name her favorite passage, and…Silence. She was stumped! Couldn’t even make something up. Uncle Lar let her twist in the wind until she finally said she didn’t have a favorite. You can watch for yourself at:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XSSJupKdeA

Well, the Bible says: "Open thy mouth for the dumb, In the cause of all such as are left desolate." (Proverbs 31: 8) Not wanting Paris to feel any dumber or more desolate than she already feels, Ampolotalk asked two friends who know the Bible well to provide Paris with passages she can quote in future interviews.

First up is Lizzi Heydemann, a rabbinic student at the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies in Los Angeles, California:

"Perhaps King David's psalms were among Paris Hilton's favorite passages whilst in the 8 x 12 jail cell she described
to Larry King. Many psalms capture the feelings of loneliness and despair common to people of glamour and fame(particularly when they find themselves in undesirable situations they seem to have brought upon themselves).

"Following the age-old Jewish tradition of reading and reciting King David's psalms, Paris doubtlessly found comfort in David's pleas for divine attention: 'From the depths I call to you, O God. Lord, listen to my voice!' (Ps. 130)

"These words surely reflected her feelings in the depths of her prison term, and perhaps also after the flop of
her 2006 self-titled album, when God appeared to be the only one who might listen.

"Or perhaps she took comfort in Hannah, whose story in Samuel I has inspired Jewish prayer for millennia. The
priest Eli watched as Hannah stood, lips moving with no sound coming out. 'How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Sober up!' he demanded. As Paris must have insisted to the cop who pulled her over for that
second offense, Hannah protested that she wasn't drunk. She was merely praying (SamI 1:12)."

Thank you, Lizzi. Next up is Pastor Ruth of the Wicker Park Lutheran Church in Chicago:

Ruth begins by tipping her hat to a "houseguest/premier historian of the Church of the Brethren who suggests that Paris' favorite passage would be: 'Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.' (Psalm 23:4 -- King James Version)."

Ruth then adds: ("Here are) two very pointed passages that Paris should seriously, but -- not to be judgmental -- probably will not, ponder:

"John 8:7, And Jesus said [to the adulterous woman whom everyone was ready to stone], 'Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.'"

"James 2:18, Show me your faith apart from your works, and I by my works will show you my faith" and James 2: 20-26:
Do you want to be shown, you senseless person, that faith apart from works is barren? 21 Was not our ancestor Abraham justified by works when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was brought to completion by the works. 23 Thus the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness," and he was called the friend of God. 24 You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. 25 Likewise, was not Rahab the prostitute also justified by works when she welcomed the messengers and sent them out by another road? 26 For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is also dead."

Our pastor adds some, "theological thoughts" of her own for Paris (from the Book of Ruth, so to speak):

"Luther was not fond of James (he called James 'the epistle of straw') because it suggests that good works have something to do with salvation. As long as Paris understands that good works are only a manifestation of faith, she can / should indulge in them to her heart's content.

"At some point after her incarceration, Paris observed that God had a purpose in getting her arrested (and presumably drunk). This kind of predestination is bad theology. Paris got Paris drunk and arrested. Paris should bear in mind what Paul writes to the Galatians. ' Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow. 8 If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit." (Galatians 6:7-8)."

Amen.

So people, if your people know Paris's people please pass along Lizzi's and Ruth's suggestions. Also, feel free to post your own suggestions for appropriate Biblical passages for Paris Hilton in the Ampoltalk comment section.